GET HEAVY (2002)

RATING: ***1/2

BEST SONGS: "Devil is a Loser," "Would You Love a Monsterman," "Monster Monster"

I have heard this one, having already heard their breakthrough second album, and I admit: the debut is not quite there yet. The only song on the level of the follow-up is the majestic "Devil is a Loser" (and he is my bitch, alright!), which I see as a poke at Scandinavian & Finnish black metal bands. "Would You Love a Monsterman" is another good track, but it was made even better as a bonus track to "The Arockalypse". "Not the Nicest Guy," "Dynamite," and "Monster Monster" are pretty cool also but not the face-melters that I have come to expect from Lordi. The production and the sound are also not as much "in your face" as they would become later on (I expected more from Kevin Shirley). Simply put, an expected case of "humble beginnings." Only for fans of "retro" hard rock with a monster gimmick (Bon Jovi meets Alice Cooper); everybody else – go straight to the second release.

THE AROCKALYPSE (2006)

RATING: ****1/2, YEAR'S TOP TEN

BEST SONGS: "Deadite Girl Gone Wild," "The Kids Who Wanna Play With The Dead," "Chainsaw Buffet"

Even though I really HATE the band’s gimmick and costumes (how is this different from GWAR?), this album is simply oozing with great songs. Virtually every song, while being ENORMOUSLY simple, boasts a killer melody, a vicious riff, and an infectious chorus. The only track I consistently skip is the spoken intro by Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider, who IMO was a very poor choice for the "spokesman for monsters": his voice is simply not scary enough! But every other track is great, bordering on spectacular. In fact, I haven’t heard the album, which would match the pure head-thrashing joy of "Deadite Girl Gone Wild," "The Kids Who Wanna Play With The Dead," "Whose Your Daddy," Eurovision-winning "Hard Rock Hallelujah," "They Only Come Out At Night" (featuring Udo Dirkschneider whose voice is indeed scary, but not in the "monster" kind of way: he just sucks), amazing "Chainsaw Buffet," and "The Night Of The Loving Dead" together in a long, long time. Add to that a tasty ballad "It Snows In Hell" (the "scratched vinyl effect" makes this ballad go hand in hand with other horror-filled material; it reverts back to B&W movies) with Bruce Kulick on guitar and three awesome bonus tracks – their big hit "Would You Love A Monsterman" (Lordi really sounds like Lemmy Kilmister here), "Mr. Killjoy," and "Evilove," and you have an album pretty close to being unsurpassed. The players are not particularly skillful: the only real lead guitars here are provided by guest performers. The lyrics actually make sense, in a "funny" sort of way, if you can call it that. Musically, this is a upgraded combination of 80s Alice Cooper, Kiss (cited as Lordi's prime influence), and White Zombie, sung with a Ville Laihialla of Sentenced-like voice. "Good To Be Bad" has a very Bon Jovi-like keyboard intro, and some moments of Kiss can also be detected. Finally, "Chainsaw Buffet" intro resembles Scorpions’ immortal "Rock You Like A Hurricane." But honestly, it’s heavier, meaner, and catchier than any of the above bands, and certainly more consistent, because I don’t think any of them ever came close to having an album this fabulous. If not for the gimmick, this album would have earned a 5-star ranking and the "Album of the Year" title from me. But instead it won them a Eurovision title, a spot on the Ozzfest mainstage, and a worldwide fame, so I guess they’re not likely to part with it. I just hope nobody really takes it too seriously: the key to this band’s understanding is best given by their own words: "The jokers will be the new kings."

DEADACHE (2008)

RATING: ****, YEAR'S TOP TEN

BEST SONGS: "Man Skin Boots," title track, "Missing Miss Charlene"

Yes, Lordi is a one-trick pony, but as long as they do it well and write catchy anthems, they will remain relevant and popular, beyond reproach. Here the task is all too obvious: to repeat the smashing success of "The Arockalypse". Quality-wise, it doesn’t, simply because "The Arockalypse" cannot be outdone or repeated, it was that good. All I hoped for was some quality songs, and Lordi delivered them. There are a few weak moments, but overall the material is very solid. The execution is also decent, the weak spot being Lordi’s voice. His highly demanding vocal style is starting to take toll: in some places he clearly struggles, and I cannot even guess how much work went into his vocal production to make it passable. It’s strange how some people, like Lemmy can belt out this kind of singing for decades, while others experience serious problems much quicker. Amen’s guitar has a bigger role than before: the solos are more extensive and intricate (I especially enjoy the simple-but-moving lead break in "Evilyn"). The opening "Girls Go Chopping" is a clear attempt at reviving "Deadite Girls Gone Wild," and, even if it’s not quite up there, it can still bring a grin to your face. "Bite It Like a Bulldog," the first single, is good, but too predictable even by Lordi’s standards. "Man Skin Boots" has the effect similar to my personal favorite from "The Arockalypse", "Chainsaw Buffet": gross but rocking like hell. This album has more ballads than before: excellent "Monsters Keep Me Company" and OK "Evilyn." "Raise Hell in Heaven" is another stab at an arena anthem, Bon Jovi / Kiss style, and it’s merely alright. The album’s unquestionably best tracks are the title cut and "Missing Miss Charlene." They both describe a lonely and tormented soul of a murderer ("Monsters Keep Me Company" also relates), and they both display the level of emotion that I never felt in the Lordi songs before. Weird, but you find yourself almost sympathizing with the monster in description: a testament to excellence. They are both very much in vein of Alice Cooper (partly due to Awa’s keys), and they both rock. Again, a solid album, if you don’t expect anything other than a handful of good tunes.